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1997.written.by.noah 

1. Cyprus: Oh, what a song this is! I watched it with surround sound on and I could not believe how good it sounded, even though I had heard it a million times before. Hara was cute and the backing vocals looked splendid. This was very danceable and that is basically what I do while listening to it. The bit of the song when all six of them were dancing was very cool to watch.

2. Turkey: Nothing better than to start off the Contest with two awesome ethnic songs. Sebnem did a very good job, though I can't say the same for the people behind. They just looked very out of element. Turkey really needs to continue sending good upbeat ethnic songs to the Contest, because their attempts at "European" ballads are not working.

3. Norway: During the intro of the Contest, I saw someone waving a flag that said "Victory for Norway," and I burst laughing. Not because the song is bad, because it is not, but because that person was hoping for position 1 and they got points 0. In any case, as I said, I think this is a good song and I like it a lot, notwithstanding all those negative opinions of the song that most fans have.

4. Austria: This started out really cool, but when she opened her mouth, it all went down the drain. Nevertheless, the verses are good, but that chorus is just not appealing at all. And I hated the dancing. The beat wasn't that fast that they could dance their asses off as they did. I was like, "calm down!". BTW, it's a bad idea to sing and dance fast at the same time. Britney Spears should tell you. When she does it, she loses the little vocal abilities she has.

5. Ireland: I fucking adore this song! It is the best Irish entry in my opinion. It has such a cool melody, it just draws you in. And Michael has a beautiful voice. If I could switch this song with any of the Irish winners (except In Your Eyes) I would do it in a blink of an eye. Also, I'd get rid of Michael's typically Irish upper lip in a second!

6. Slovenia: Awesome song. No wonder a Bosnian composed it. He he. The first part of the song is not as strong as the rest, but it's very good overall. The beat is superb, and when you have a dozen speakers around you, it really shows. Tanja did a great job. BTW, did you notice her get mad when the audience started applauding before the end of the song? That was hilarious! One more thing, backing vocals don't work every time. Just had to say that.

7. Switzerland: Ah, the Contest so far was awesome and then this had to come on! Damn! Firstly, she sang off-key. Secondly, the music was not strong enough. It felt like it was trying to reach a peak, but as soon as the slope got steeper, it would tumble back down. Thirdly, the melody is as catchy as a shooting star. 'Nuff said, I'd say! FF! BTW, is it me or did her Italian (or was it Romansch?) sound very un-Italian (well, if it was Romansch, then there is no point to this question, he he).

8. The Netherlands: My God! This was awesome! I loved the performance. And when I saw it was sung by a dozen of middle-aged women I loved it even more. If they were able to move and sing like that, then all the power to them. The music is VERY energizing and I am putting this on my all-time top 50! Go Mrs. Einstein, go!

9. Italy: God, I am loving this Contest. If only every year were as good as this one was. This is one of the most beautiful Italian songs, maybe even the most beautiful. She sang extraordinarily and she quite knew that, judging by the "look at me, I am so good" expressions on her face. I love Italy as a country (I lived there for some time) and I adore Italian language and this song brings up many beautiful memories. Viva Italia!

10. Spain: Blah! Back to the dreadful shit. He has a beautiful voice, but the song is just not there! It's as flat as roadkill. It has no chorus, which is almost always very, very bad. It builds up as it goes, but the tune has no peak, which logically should have been there and that's a big minus from me. And the guitar has to go!

11. Germany: Damn, woman, buy a damn Cosmopolitan and check out some hairdoes! And while you're at it, get a damn catalog and order some new clothes! I haven't seen anyone so backwardly dressed since the many men of ESC 1990 insisted on wearing sport jackets. Oh, yes, get a new song, too. BTW, am I wrong or did Wogan say this was the second best song?

12. Poland: Love this song! And what's even more, my boyfriend loves it, too! That's very big for him to say, as he dislikes the Contest just as much as I like it. He he. Anyway, the song is very mysterious and the stage was perfect for it. She should have worn something more mysterious also. The band did not belong there at all. We all know they're faking not unlike most women, so why the fuck ruin the mood of the whole scene?

13. Estonia: Wow, is she full of herself or what? She looked like she was gonna pop like a damn balloon. Her 96 song was much better than this boring 3-minute lullyby. There is some nice melody in there somewhere, but, damn it, I don't feel like searching for it. I just don't like the song, as I can't see myself playing this over and over.

14. Bosnia: He he, that Wogan is a jokster! There was a nice atmosphere to the song and the whole performance, but neither was outstanding. (However my boy loved it, YEAH!) I loved how the audience got into it! Or was all that clapping them people in the back? Ugh, whatever, I heard clapping. While we're on the subject of the people in the back, man, some of them were some ugly motherfuckers and some nasty bitches! Alma looked like the Sun compared to them, he he! It surprised me, as Bosnians are very beautiful, just look at me! Oh, I just heard Alma's voice crack and I laughed for 12 minutes exactly. I don't know, something's wrong with me these days. Ehm, ehm, moving on.

15. Portugal: Ha, ha, the Blues Brothers and a big scary woman. Not a very memorable song at all. I promise you, as soon as I am done writing this report on Portugal and start typing it, I will forget the tune. (And, true enough, I did. You could fucking threaten me right now, I would NOT know a single note from that song. Well, yeah, I would know that there is a do or re in there somewhere, but that's besides the point.) Hmm, I was gonna say something else. Oh, yes, them men in black looked annoying as hell! Reminded me of Turkey 1993 and their "boop, wop" thingy. May the stage collapse and take them with it! They're not becoming to the stage and the song at all!

16. Sweden: Blond AND stupid! Go, Sweden, go! We need more people like me (I am blond) at ESC, he, he. NO! I am not stupid! Anyway, I hate this song WITH PASSION and I hate those two macho guys and that queen singing it. BTW, Sweden, Earth calling, please do not send any more version of the same song to the Contest, ok? It's not cool. You've sent this damn shit a million times and it seems like you recycle the performers too. As Wogan said, can we move on? We can? Great!

17. Greece: Yeah, baby! I love this. It's so danceable and listenable I can't even describe it. So, if I can't describe it, I'll stop here. Just kidding. The melody just makes me feel good, the way a cigarette after sex makes me feel (Oh, you smokers and fuckers, don't you love having a smoke after that exciting 2 seconds of sex? Oh, I enjoy it.) Marianna did not do a good job of singing, though. Kaiti Garbi, the doro theou from Greece, should have sung this! Oh, now that'd be a real cigarette! And Greece, come back next year, please. I need more ethnic songs to satisfy my thirst (did I just say thirst? he he he. Not funny? Well, screw you! It's my website!)

18. Malta: One of the only, if not the only Maltese song I can stand. Not only can I stand this, I love it. It's a ballad, but one of those that draws you in like a collapsing star. Damn, I am a poet! The atmosphere on the stage was perfect. Mary gave a superb performance, though I can't say the same about her teeth. I wish Malta would remember this when sending their songs.

19. Hungary: I died and went to hell! The Magyars thought they'd send a damn boy-band and everything would be cool. Well, no! You also need to send a song, ya know? I don't like this song one bit (well, maybe, just maybe, I like their faces, but that's all, OK!). Szlagtyminesnyitsz (That's Hungarian for: "Please, let us move on! I can't stand this shit anymore. I don't want to write about VIP anymore, because I really do not want to remember that song. Thank you." Oh, you think that's not what it means? Well, I SAID this is MY website. Mommie!!!)

20. Russia: This is a good song. The chorus is especially strong. And you know why I think this is good, because, unlike Portugal, Germany, Austria and some other shits, I remember this song vividly, even though I've heard it the same number of times as those other songs. I am humming the song right now and that's a good sign. Well, for the song, not for me, 'cuz we don't want nobody thinking I am going crazy. Well, they already think that, but that's a whole 'nother story, believe me! Tangents!!! Anyway, I can't stand the Russian language. It sounds so harsh. She looks harsh too, but sweet also at the same time. Reminds me of my old teacher. Boy, was she a bitch! Uhm, did you see those heels? If she had taken them off, her chin would be touching the floor. She'd be two-inch tall. She couldn't move either thanks to the heels. She only rocked left to right. Vodka, anyone? Sometimes this ESC is a comedy show. (Oh, what the hell, it's always a comedy show!)

21. Denmark: Complete, utter, insane bullshit! Does he think for a moment that he is/can be a rap artist? I'd hope he doesn't think it, because he will be greatly disappointed to see what real rap artists are like. To be a rapper you have to do more than continously say "Hey, ho" and wave your arms like a mad man. This is the funniest thing I saw since the Brits attempted to sing this American style of music in 1995. Message from the States to the Continent: Europe and rap do not go together! I laughed my ass off then and I laughed my entire body off watching this bleached fool. (I need a break to put my body back together, hold on a second.) Gimme a damn break and wave your hand up in the air!

22. France: I love how the French and the Belgians send teen girls with beautiful, strong voices to represent them (you molestors!!!). Many people detest this song, but I think it's quite good. It's one of those ballads that just draws you in with it good melody. The beat is also strong and Fanny (that's her name?) has an extraordinary voice. She needs some loving though, seeing how she looked at that boy with the guitar. Poor girl. Pleasant song though, very pleasant.

23. Croatia: Stop making me laugh, I can't take it anymore! I think that all the future worst-dressed awards should be named after ENI. Just look at the damn green humpback freak and that overgrown bitch in the purplish dress up to her naval, six times smaller than her real size. I know woman like to say they wear size 4 when they wear size 6, but come on! There are limits you know! If only they could have stayed backstage when the song was playing!

24. United Kingdom: This song is not strong enough to be a winner. The music is just not powerful enough and the lyrics are as cliched as it gets. It is a good song, but not a fucking winner, and certainly not a winner with 60 points difference between it and the 2nd-placed song. Katrina looked like she had experience with the stage and that looked awesome. The performance was also very good. Not a winner, though.

25. Iceland: Too bad the song wasn't as extraordinary as the performance itself. There was nothing to the beat and there was virtually no melody. I applaud Paul and Iceland for entering such a risky song and giving us such a good performance. Still, pity the song wasn't good itself.

Here is my top 25 of 1997:
1. Cyprus: Mana mou
2. Greece: Horepse
3. Turkey: Dinle
4. Malta: Let Me Fly
5. Slovenia: Zbudi se
6. Italy: Fiumi di parole
7. Ireland: Mysterious Woman
8. Poland: Ale jestem
9. United Kingdom: Love Shing A Light
10. The Netherlands: Niemand heeft nog tijd
11. Norway: San Francisco
12. Russia: Primadona
13. Bosnia: Goodbye
14. Estonia: Keelatud maa
15. France: Sentiments songes
16. Austria: One Step
17. Iceland: Minn hinsti dans
18. Croatia: Probudi me
19. Spain: Sin rencor
20. Germany: Zeit
21. Denmark: Stemmen i mitt liv
22. Switzerland: Dentro di me
23. Hungary: Miert keel, hogy elmenj?
24. Portugal: Antes do adeus
25. Sweden: Bara hon älskar mig

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